Breaking the Rules – A Butterfly Can’t Go Back to Caterpillar

We are the butterfly in flight.  Something vital is lost when the butterfly is pinned to the display.  The feminine way of paying attention to what has heart and meaning might mean that life slows its pace and we find ourselves moving to the beat of a different drummer.  When we are on this path, we usually notice synchronistic happenings that unfold without “efforting”.  The effort usually comes when we are trying to fit back into an old mold that no longer fits – like a butterfly trying to fit back into a cocoon.

Last weekend I met a young woman who had recently given birth – she spoke of herself as changed.  She was noticing the many areas of her life where she felt different.  I was very moved by the encounter.  And this morning after my writing time, I ran into a friend who is dedicated to the needs of expecting and new mothers.  Together, “out of the blue” (a saying that always assures me that a feminine way of knowing is present) we decided to offer a writing circle experience for new and expecting mothers.

Here is a piece that opened up a few days ago that speaks in a different way to what I just shared:

It is time to come undone, unpinned, unhinged

to break free, to be, to express yourself

to speak your yes and your no, your stop and go

Let it flow, get in the flow, then you’ll know

no figuring out, no way out but through

So follow through, follow the thread,

get out of your head; it will tell you no and say it isn’t so

But you know, you know, you know—YOUR BODY IS CAPABLE OF SOMETHING YOUR MIND CAN’T WRAP ITSELF AROUND*

You’ve blown your mind, keep blowing, keep going

don’t stop now, keep flowing, you are in the flow, in the flying, butterfly flying

Butterflies fly and writers write, be in the verb, find your nerve, your verve,

its not a mistake, double take, yes the woman in the mirror is you, the one whose eyes speak true, “You are going crazy”, she says.

Take heart, this “crazy” is about going against the status quo, breaking out of the rules you know a butterfly can’t go back to caterpillar.  So be aware, find a sister to share, create a space, a sacred place – together.

* quote from my daughter, Carrie Lee Ferguson, after giving birth to her daughter.

Break the rules and write today – no worries about spelling or grammar or who your audience is — as Barbara Marx Hubbard suggests, instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” ask “What is wanting to emerge?”

Noticing What You Notice

        At an artist friend’s house the other day, I noticed a little bird made of straw that was perched on the windowsill as if it was looking out at the garden, observing.  I was so struck by the simple beauty and positioning.   When I got home, I wrote about the little bird from the perspective of “it” and “you” and then let it speak with “I”.

As a writing practice, I often suggest, “noticing what you notice” and then writing about it.  My noticing, helped me to acknowledge my appreciation of gentleness and quiet observation.  So today, when I got to the pharmacy to fill a prescription and realized I had left the script on the table at home, I remembered the feeling of gentleness and quiet observation and quietly drove back home without a harsh word.

Gentleness

It looks out the window sitting

on the sill keeping her

company as she watches. 

Its straw tail feathers    beautiful. 

From its perch here    it faces

the world sitting in silence, choosing

to stay in the presence of the woman who

bathes the atmosphere with gentleness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You stand on the sill,

silent and still,

looking out on the garden,

the bees hum, the flowers grow

imperceptibly and I see

the kindness of the woman who

gave you your perch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am quiet,

I am loved,

I am beautiful. 

My presence speaks to

the artist who lives here.

 

Soul Speak

My favorite date on the calendar happens in March; it is the only date that creates a complete sentence. Though it is spelled “f o u r t h”, to me it speaks, “March forth!”

This March 4^th as I was considering my intention around my work with writing groups and workshops, an inner image came.  I was tapping back to the thrill I had when I wrote those first poems at the Sophia Conference when I was filled with inspiration AND angst.

The image was of a person rising out of a box and then standing on the box with a new perspective and the thrill of freedom. I remembered feeling myself as a point of consciousness that is in communication with soul and spirit.  I felt that each of us is a conduit for that powerful spirit. My intention is to create opportunities for others to experience this connection and through that connection bring who they uniquely are into the world.

Writing Exercise: I took my own advice and circled some words from the above piece and wrote something new.  It came out like a poem; imagine that!

Unbox yourself

Rise up, wake up

Don’t button up

or batten down the hatches

Unlatch the latches

Walk out, shout

and trill to the thrill

of being uniquely you!

A conduit, open to it

Spirit runs through it

Its your cup, fill it up

Fountain flowing

surrender knowing

Listen as the Soul

friend speaks.

The Beat of Creative Passion

Rhythm is born on the island beneath the sea; it shakes the earth, it cuts through me like a lightning bolt and rises toward the sky, carrying with it my sorrows…..

                                Isabel Allende in Island Beneath the Sea

In this quote, Isabel Allende’s character is speaking of the rhythm of drums and her words carry me to the idea of moving to the beat of a rhythm that sets the pace for the day.  I long to move with a natural rhythm.  I find I can’t take a brisk walk at the beach; my body lingers, my breath slows and I dawdle, picking up feathers and shells.

When I taught in a Waldorf inspired kindergarten, the list of our day’s activities was called a rhythm instead of a schedule.  There was attention paid to the balance of outer rambunctious activity with inner quiet activity.  In their free play, the children created imaginary families and households with boisterous activity and then later spoke in hushed tones as they filled their watercolor pages with flowing vibrant color.  

I read, rhythm cuts through me like a lightning bolt and rises toward the sky – and I understand that this play of inner and outer activity is what connects me with the natural rhythm of the earth, as a soulful participant.  I stand on the earth to feel the power of the feminine and I write to experience the joining of masculine and feminine on the page in creative process.  I need the rhythm of solitude and peopled activity in order to connect with this power and let it flow.

Writing suggestion:  Go out into nature and notice with all your senses.  Balance the doing with being; be receptive and allow the environment to “speak” to you.  Write a few random impressions, don’t force complete sentences or correct spelling.  Later use those impressions in a verse, poem or paragraph – you could even lend your voice to nature and speak from “I”. 

Click here for author, Isabel Allende speaking on PASSION – she discusses women, creativity, and the definition of feminism- it is marvelous and only 18 minutes long.  You could take notes and use those words in a verse, poem or story.

The New Year Rings-Are You Listening?

2012 feels different to me.  It is as if there is a listening happening, as if in everything I do, there is a container, a support.  Perhaps it is because that in the time around the solstice, the quality of my own listening changed. 

In my community, friends hosted a labyrinth walk on Winter Solstice evening.  We live near an eleven circuit labyrinth like the one at Chartres in France.  Ours is sheltered under a pavilion in the middle of an open field.   That evening, the labyrinth was luminous, lit by candlelight.  We walked and I listened to the beauty of evening and also to some of the chatter in my mind.   In the following days, the experience continued to whisper to me as if clearing an inward space for the outer events of my life to reverberate.

So I am still listening, taking time every morning and evening to remember what happened during the day and in dreams.  This listening also requires that I stop midstream when going about the mundane aspects of my life.  It whispers and I stop when folding the towels to remember a feeling, to lean into the gratitude, and to follow an inspiration. 

I heard someone say recently, that usually the tough lessons are about the things we thought we had already worked through.  This listening thing is a lot like that – I already knew that in writing, you can hear your own wisdom, what you might call, your higher self speaking.  Now I am starting to realize that your higher self feels happy that you are listening. 

Lean into the listening.                                                                                                                        Enter where the outer life                                                                                                reverberates on an inner landscape.

Fall silent and still                                                                                                                             as the sacred sounds each note                                                                                                 along the memory of a life                                                                                                       longing to be lived.

Happy New Year—

What’s on the Inside? Twelve Steps to a Joyful Holiday

In my Waldorf training, I learned that years and years ago, this season was one of quiet spiritual reflection.  During the long nights and short days, one was encouraged to experience the inner light to which we are all connected.   We are all a composite of inner reflection and outer activity.  It is easy to get off balance and focus primarily on the outer, especially during the holidays.  So, as the holidays are upon us, I wrote down the practices that bring me back to gratitude and enjoyment during this season.  There are twelve of them, like the twelve days of Christmas or the twelve steps of a recovery program.

1. Sit down, notice your breathing and consider what a joyful holiday looks like and feels like for you.  For a few moments just notice your breathing.  Noticing your breath helps you become aware of your inner self, the invisible vibrancy of being. Begin to imagine a joyful holiday. 

 2. As old pictures of sadness, hurt or unrealistic expectations come up, let them go – release them to the earth (the earth loves to compost) or release them to God’s hands.  You might even write some of these down and then burn them in your own private ceremony or take them to share with a trusted friend, counselor or spiritual guide.

3.  Make a creative expression of your joyful holiday – Write down on paper the words that describe the inner and outer qualities you would like to experience.  Create a collage with pictures and words or write a paragraph describing the feelings and activities.  Give yourself poetic license; don’t worry about spelling, grammar, etc.  Your writing might turn into a story, poem or a sketch written by a child – it doesn’t matter. This is for you.  This activity allows your inner wisdom to speak to you.

4.  Place activities on a calendar, making sure you have breathing room between activities. Include items on the calendar that support the feelings of your joyful holiday.  For example, some of my words are warmth, love and peace.  Very simply, warmth can be a fragrant tea for warm moments alone or with loved ones.  Love comes from following the next few steps and peace comes from placing the items on the calendar like putting a music score on paper.  Making sure there is space between the notes, creates the melody.  

5.  Place some things on the calendar just for you.  A massage, walks in nature or a concert might fill your bucket so that you have joy to share with others.  “Love your neighbor as yourself” includes loving yourself.  Putting the oxygen mask on your self first makes sense.

6.  Be open to inspiration and flow.  The calendar is not carved in stone.  You can change your mind AND you can decide to do things when the mood hits.  My mother has some helpful philosophy regarding this – she says if you don’t get after yourself for the cluttered closet, you will wake up one morning in the mood to tackle it and it will just flow.

7.  Don’t “should” on yourself or others – your loved ones don’t have to like everything you like.  You can go to the concert alone or with a friend or with a different family member than the one you think “should” go with you.  The point is to create moments that embody the feelings of your joyful holiday. 

8.  Remember that all solutions don’t depend on you.  Allow others to do and have their part in holiday/household activities.  A four year old loves to set the table, an eight year old can clear the table before sitting down to do homework and a dad is a capable parent.

9.  Allow others the dignity to be responsible for themselves.  You might be an aid to your child’s homework, but it is her homework – you might have helped to pay for the present she gives to Daddy, but she can wrap it herself.   Do one of your own chores (folding laundry or doing the dishes) while your eight year old sits at the table with homework or wraps a present.    You are a calm support.  Breathe and believe in your heart that she is capable.  This builds self-esteem for her and also makes it possible for you to take a few moments at the end of the day to sit and breathe, rather than frantically doing chores. 

10. Give your attention to the moment.  If your joyful holiday includes making cookies with the kids, paying attention to kids as they measure, stir and create is the goal; not a plate of perfect looking cookies.  Turn off the TV, put down the video camera and the phone.  Breathe and let go of expectations. Another bit of my mother’s wisdom, “A clean house will be messy by the end of the day, your kids will grow up in a poof, so enjoy them now! 

11. At the end of each day, remember moments of joy.   Remember the look of your five-year old with the cookie dough, remember the hands of your eighty year old mother as she tied the ribbon, and remember the look of the sky as you took your walk.

12. Allow forgiveness to soothe your regrets and make gratitude your attitude.

I remember those Christmas candies that were jelly-filled.  They looked so great on the outside and to my young taste, not so good on the inside.  May these steps help us to pay some attention to the inside!  Have a joy-filled holiday –

Conditions Are Good

I stand

at the window

of the shop

waiting my turn

with the cashier.

 

Outside

the rain falls

in big drops

sparkling

on the sidewalk

and I wonder.

 

How is it

in my old age

that every kind of weather

has found a place

in me?

 

I call my granddaughter

to tell her

the conditions are good

for a rainbow.

 

Keep a lookout!

New Year’s Revolution

I would like to say, I will write more in the new year and keep this blog up to date with monthly postings.  Perhaps I will AND no resolutions – no more forcing myself or feeling guilty when I don’t.  I have been writing for myself during this grief process and it seems such a private, precious journey – not ready for the exposure.  In grief, even friends can feel like the paparazzi – much less putting something online.  –as if 100’s of people are reading this blog:)

Alas, the revolution – it is not about perfection.  It is about change – so the change is in showing up like the moon, when full and when a sliver.  Even the moon takes a three day rest once a month.  So I stayed in during the holy nights and worked with dreams and images and now the new year is here and I feel optimistic; not an outgoing optimism, a calm inward knowing that all is well.

So here is a poem that came some time during the latter part of 2010 while preparing for the spiraling in of winter for new awareness, new light, new beingness.

A Believer

I want to be passionate

As if I had an internal engine

of  love and inspiration

motivating me

making me a believer

in myself

and in the goodness

of showing up in the world

As I give, I receive

Make me, make me

a believer.

Sweet Darkness

I have been writing and deleting this post for months.  In the middle of this summer, my dear friend, Flo; my inspiration for “Go with the Flo”, the one I often quote saying, “I will not should on myself today” was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  Flo has been my mentor and spiritual mother for more than twenty years. We spent some months together ministering to the physical and honoring the spiritual connection.  

She is like air to me – always there so I forget how much I need her – I sink into her lap, like the great green of Ireland, she welcomes and empowers me”.

On my birthday in August my friend and colleague, Woody Winfree, created a birthday ritual to honor my 56th year, a celebration of 7 sets of 7.  We honored what lives and weaves between friends – the invisible heart connections that continue beyond death. Though Flo was in Hospice her presence was felt and she continues to be a part of my life in new and subtle ways.  She passed away on September 6th, 2010.  And today, this hallowed eve, when the veil between the two worlds is said to be thinnest, I find the courage to write and send these words of love. 

I wrote the following with the “Soul Stories” circle and David Whyte’s poem, Sweet Darkness and the night sky for inspiration.  The people in the circle encouraged me to post it – thank you, Marilyn, MaryAnne, and Nancy.

Sometimes it takes the moon in the night sky to remind me

I am held by something larger

I have room to breathe, room to grow

room to be more than whom I take myself to be

Tonight the moon and venus are in relationship, in conversation

“Look someone is noticing us, talking about us

Look someone knows the world is bigger than she’s been told

big enough to hold the joy and the sorrow

big enough for a dissident daughter.

See how we minister with the dark cloth of night.”

Finally, words that Flo loved from John O’Donohue’s, Beannacht, “and so may a slow wind work these words of love around you an invisible cloak to mind your life.”   Blessings

A Sacred Journey

Tags

Retreat, Writing Inspiration

Our Summer Writing Retreat happened under a tin roof pavilion, home to a labyrinth.   As the rain hammered above we were surrounded in the wet greenness.  These were the words evoked and offered by the gathered participants:  viriditas, journey, sacred, sorrow, clarity, rolling wonder, connection, stillness, magical playmates, community, freedom, peace, and gratitude.  As I often do, I used the words in a piece of free verse writing.

On a sacred journey,

you may bring your sorrow

Pack it in your suitcase

When you arrive, unpack your bag

in a new place

of cloud and rain and rolling wonder

Watch from your wet window

as viriditas opens

in vibrant greenness

of leaf and bud

and grassy spiral path

Sense your connection in the stillness

Hear the voice of magical playmates

calling you to community

Walk out in freedom

You will find peace

and gratitude

as sorrow breaks open to clarity

you find your way through.

Magical Playmates

After walking the labyrinth and writing, artist, Lynne Harter, created an artistic response of thanks to the place.   Inspired by Andy Goldsworthy, she used natural materials found on the site.  Other participants also found there own artistic expression in the place.  Thanks to St. Francis in the Field Church  for creating and maintaining this inspiring place.  In October, we will gather there again for walking, writing and artistic response.

Artist, Lynne Harter